Thursday, January 1, 2009

I wanted to post this really cute picture of Gunnar. It is his first New Years sweet. Look at how big his eyes are...and how little he looks in Adams hands. He is starting to stay awake more and sleep longer...not by much but still. He is growing so fast...I can't believe he is almost two weeks old. Sometimes I still can't believe that he is ours forever.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Well...I am just sitting here on the couch feeding Gunnar...again. I can't believe how much he eats for how small he is...where does he put it? I guess he is getting ready to have a big growth spurt...he is almost two weeks old. I have finally gotten into a little bit of a groove and have my computer out and ready for when he does want to eat...which is all he time. I also can't believe that 2008 is almost over. This is definitely one of the most memorable years of my life.

January: We decided that we were ready to start a family.
March: I turned a quarter of a century old...25...crap that's old.
April: We found out that we were pregnant.
May: Adam and I finally got married after ten years of bliss.
September: We found out that Gunnar was a boy.
December: I became a mom when Gunnar was born ahead of schedule on Dec. 21 at 11:24 p.m. and we had our first Christmas together as a family. We also decided to move back to Salem if I get my transfer to CCCF in Wilsonville.

As you can see...a lot has happened to change my life this year. I can't wait to see how 2009 goes.

Monday, December 29, 2008

On Sunday morning I woke up about 8:15, sat there in my bed and thought to myself..."I really don't want to go to work tomorrow"...I then realized that I had to pee...whats new...and so I got up. When I was finished I was walking back to bed and there was a little drizzle...I said, "did I just pee on my self?" I stood around for a few minutes trying to figure it out. Adam woke up, saw the look on my face, and asked me what was wrong. I said, "I can't decide if I peed on myself or if my water broke." He just looked at me funny. After a few minuets of nothing went to get back in bed and as soon as I sat down you could hear the gush of water. Adam was up in a split second throwing clothes on and asking what we should do. I said, "get me a diaper" and as he was running out of the room I started laughing and told him to calm down. At this point I had not had a contraction. I told him to go out to the truck and get my suitcase so that I could put a few more things in it and then we could go. Adam went out to his truck three times before he could remember what he was getting. He was so cute. At about 8:45 we were off to the the big white truck of course because Gunnar was just waiting for the BIG snow storm before he decided to make his appearance.

On the way we started making phone calls and while the weather was a hindrance at this point I was a little happy that it was so bad...most people didn't come to the hospital to see me flopped on a bed like a beached whale with enough tubing stuck to me to wrap the world twice. I also started to have contractions on the way, and while they hurt I did not think the pain was unmanageable.

About and hour and a half later we finally reach the hospital in Caldwell...which is only an hour at the absolute most away from my house...and the contractions are coming about every five minutes. We get out of the truck and Adam sits me in one of those wheel chairs, mine happened to have only one of the things for my feet and was sticking straight out (Adam was a bit nervous), and he wheels me inside where they basically just verify a bunch of information that they already have and make me sign a HIPPA I really give a @#$% right now, and then give us really bad directions to the elevators. So Adam takes off like speed racer down the halls and then back again because we might be going the wrong way, and, we were right the first time so we turn around again and go back. Finally we find the elevators and are on our way up to the O.B. ward.

Once we get up to the second floor the nurse puts us in this little room...with two beds...and so I sit there for and hour or so before they move us into my laboring room. Adam of course was getting all pissed because number one this was a tiny room and it wasn't a private room which of course is what we wanted, and second while we are there some other lady comes in and is in labor and all she wants to talk about it how her uncle just committed suicide. Yeah, that is super sad and I am probably going to hell, but I was thinking who the hell cares. Give me a break...the contractions are now about three minutes apart and really starting to hurt.

Finally they move us into our laboring room and there we stayed until the c-section. At about 4:00 p.m. my doctor comes in and checks me...uuuaggh...and says that I am about a 4 1/2. At this point the contractions don't just hurt any longer they are slowly killing me. When they say it hurts they are fucking lying...they are enough to kill you and drive you mad. So like any person with a firm grip on all there faculties I asked for the best drugs they could give me. The first thing they gave me was some Stadol which basically knockes you out enough so that you are physically unable to respond to the pain without making you unconscious. It was okay, I was still conscious of the pain just unable to do anything about it. My anesthesiologist came in about an hour later and gave me my epidural...which is on a drip, with a nifty button that lets me give myself more if I want...and thank god for him! I would not have made it otherwise I think.

At about 6:00 my doctor comes in and says that I am about a six and at 7:00 I am still a six so they start my on pitocin just to move things along. I am so glad I had an epi because I was watching those contractions come with the pitocin and holy shit. They must have hurt. Look at that last is almost off the chart. Adam's sister Kathy is there and looking at me saying, "I can't believe you are sleeping through all of these..."

Anyway, the contractions keep coming about ever minute and a half to two minutes and are very strong until about 10:30 when my doctor comes back to tell me that I am not progressing and that Gunnar has not dropped below a -1 and that he recommends a c-section but he doesn't want to press me into it. At this point I have been in labor for 12 hours...true I can't feel much...but I am tired and just want to have Gunnar out already so I look at him and say "Great, let's do it." He smile and off we go.

They wheel me into the surgery room...which scared the crap out of me before...and moved me onto a bed, hung the little sheet by my face, and began. Adam was totally astounded that I didn't feel a thing and that they were pulling my stomach open with those things the dentist use on your cheeks only times 100 in size.

Finally at 11:24 Gunnar is born and handed to Adam so we could see him. He was so beautiful and when I heard him cry my universe tilted and my life finally made sense. I was here for him.

They finished sewing me up and all that jazz and wheeled me into recovery where Adam and Gunnar were waiting. After all the buzz and pictures I was finally alone with my tiny family. We looked at each other and cried. It was the happiest day in my...our lives.

The next day even drugged up on vicodin I was in so much pain that I was not sure I wanted to do this again...and that is a big deal coming from me who wants to have at least four kids. But true to form I soon forgot about the pain and want at least three others just like him. What the hell is wrong with me...glutton for punishment I guess. Oh well, what can you do.

Now my life is consumed with feedings every two hours, pumping when I can, ice bags in between and sleep...I forgot what that was. It is amazing though how two hours of fitful, interrupted sleep can totally get you through the day. Gunnar also likes to pee on us...must be a boy thing...and instead of changing him once we have to do it twice most of the time. I have also only broken down into tears once since I have been home...a fact I am really proud of...I thought I would cry a lot more. Adam is completely in love and I adore my tiny family. How life changes.